77 days into being locked down, 24 hours a day, locked in our cells due to Covid-19, here in Otisville Prison, we had great hopes of the lockdown being lifted on July 1. The Covid rate was decreasing, and nobody in prison was sick from Covid. It finally looked like it was time for us to get more freedom.
Screams of “LOCKDOWN!!”
Unfortunately, today, suddenly, screams of “lockdown!” were shouted by a few officers as we were out of our cells for our scheduled phone and email use for 45 minutes a day. At the time, I was speaking on the phone to my mom. But like many times before, I told her that I had to go because we were getting locked down…
Sick Feeling
The familiar sick feeling of the unknown bubbled in my stomach and my heart sank as we all walked back to our cells.
Dinner was soon. “I’m not hungry,” I thought.
A couple of hours later, our bad feelings were reinforced. We received a note from the warden stating that an inmate tested positive for Covid-19. Further testing and meetings would need to be held over the next few days to figure out what the procedure will be from now on.
“Can’t be good,” I thought.
Everything Is From H-shem
Baruch H-shem, after a few minutes of sitting and contemplating, my heart returned to its place. I reminded myself that everything is in the hands of H-shem. This situation further proves that there is nothing we can do or plan without the confirmation of H-shem. I opened my Gemara, and as I studied, I realized the only thing we can do is learn and do mitzvot and fear H-shem, none of which needs the confirmation of H-shem. This is for us to do.
At that moment, I began learning my Gemara when an argument arose between Rav and Shmuel. I realized I am fulfilling my exact purpose in life, bringing honor and joy to H-shem.
I also benefitted my soul by adding holiness to it. And it isn’t that I want to study for personal benefit, but the truth is, if I left this earth right now, what better way would there be to leave than to have words of Torah on your lips? Therefore, in Pirkei Avot (2:10), it says, “v’shuv yom echad lifney mitatach” “Do teshuvah one day before your death” But how do you know when your death is? That is precisely the point. We don’t know when we’ll die, so we must do teshuva daily.
No Jew Is Exempt
And we mustn’t get lured into the destructive thoughts of the yetzer hara. It tells us that since we are going through a challenging situation that seems to get worse by the day, we are exempt from studying Torah and being productive Jews.
We must deflect all these thoughts and realize that the Jewish people must be tough as nails. Whether the nail is skinny, thick, wide, or small, its use is still needed. We are all unique, and every Jew has a special mission and purpose in serving H-shem.
Look up to the sky and realize your purpose. We were created for the wood we are now hammered in, in this place, in this day, at this moment.